So, yesterday I had another visit to the doctor. It went well, except my pulse was high. Not sure what that was about, as I didn’t feel nervous in any way.
The day started with taking my little sister to work. I have two little sisters that are staying with me a while, and, while stressful, I love that they are here. They are very supportive and loving. After that, I came back home and played video games for a bit before I needed to be ready for the doctor. At least, as I go through this, I’ve maintained my love of bideo games. That’s a good sign that, even on the medication, I’m still “me” for the most part.
As stated, the visit to the doctor went well. I quite like the doctors at the new place that I’m going to. They seem quite intent on actually helping me. Unlike the previous place that churned people out like it was an assembly plant. Those doctors didn’t listen to anything I told them at all, because, I feel if they did, I would have been diagnosed earlier than this and would’ve been able to avoid the heartache and bullshit that I am currently going through.
I told the doctor of my many struggles over the past couple weeks, which you’ve been able to read about. He took the time to teach me breathing and relaxation techniques, that I’ve used since, and they do help. He did up my meds as well. I didn’t think it would effect me, but, the headaches and dry mouth did come back with a vengeance.
That doesn’t deter me in the slightest. Though it’s a pain in the ass at first, I know for a fact that those side effects will go away, and the medication will help as intended. I do feel like I’m getting a grasp over my emotional states. It’s been a tough road and will remain tough going forward, but, for the first time in my life, I’m optimistic. For the people that actually know me, they know that that is a huge step in the right direction, as I’m usually quite pesimistic the majority of the time.
I regret that I had to miss yet another day at work because it doesn’t put a little strain on me finacially, but the headache was just too much and kept me from being able to sleep. I’ve been so down on my job for a long time, and though I don’t love my job, some good things have happened. I may be able to come off of third shift, which I think will help out tremendously.
I’m also beginning to really come to terms with the fact that my marriage may end, though I desperately don’t want it to. But, even with me having a mental illness, my wife can only be expected to take so much. It certainly fucking sucks and breaks my heart to even contemplate a life without her.
All in all, it’s been a rough few weeks, but I’m beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I’m pulling away from this stupid fucking disorder and becoming myself again. I am very thankful for everyone who has been supportive of me and never lost sight of who I really am.