I’m no stranger to the smell of burning bridges in my life. Often, I set those fires myself. I’m not sure why. Maybe it’s my defense mechanism. Instead of people hurting and leaving me, I sabotage myself by doing the most horrid things to people. It’s definitely something I need to fix, and I’m working […]Read more "The Smell of Burning Bridges "
Some say that life is a gift. It’s not. Life and existence are thrust upon us. We have no choice. Now, before you go calling someone to come check on me, I’m not saying I want to commit suicide. I am merely stating that we need to start acknowledging existence for what it is. Many […]Read more "Something Wild"
So, I turned 32 today. Does it even matter? I woke up, too depressed to get out of bed. I actually had to force myself to sit up. It was terrible. This is the first birthday that I have ever felt just completely alone in the universe, where I felt I have no purpose. I […]Read more "Birthday Wishes"
Everyday is like pushing a boulder up a hill. You get it to the top one day, and then you have to start over completely the next day. It feels like no victory is a lasting one. Lately, I awake every morning, hating the fact that I exist. Lamenting the fact that I pull air […]Read more "The Trials of Sisyphus"
God dammit, I ruined yet another potential friendship. I guess I have an issue of coming off needy and desperate. See, I have all of two people that I consider real friends. One lives 2000 miles away and the other is basically a hermit. Maybe it’s the anxiety. I feel the need to impress, and […]Read more "Existence is Futile"
I’m sitting here alone. On my anniversary. My anxiety and depression getting the best of me. Sometimes I wish I had never received the diagnosis. Life was much simpler before it. Yeah, sometimes I acted against my own best interest, but, I was happily unaware. Now, I’m in my own head more than ever. Playing […]Read more "The Boy Who Blocked His Own Shot"
It would be easy to say that I’m all better by now. Well, it isn’t. I still have my ups and downs. Unlike everyone else’s ups and downs, mine extend beyond feeling happy or sad. Mine are from one extreme to the other. I either feel as if I could conquer the world, or I […]Read more "Manic Tuesday"